If I have learned one thing about writing a blog these past few months, it’s this, posts about sexually attractive females produce far more views than those that do not feature pictures of scantily clad ladies. Oh and zombies are quite popular too. If only there were a way to combine the two? Hmm, Hmsbeefnuts Presents: The Top 5 Scantily Clad Zombie Babes? The Top 10 Babes Killed By Zombies? Hmm… it has suddenly all become clear. Anyway, now that you know that this article is basically just a base grab for traffic to the site, and my motives have been laid bare, we should not dilly dally. On with the Sexy Geek Royals!!! Oh a small note on my choices, Disney Princess’s were certainly considered, but being animated, and of undetermined age, I was not sure I could include them. Belle and Ariel were very close to being picked.
I like my Princess’s like I like my curry, meek, mild and in need of a heroic figure to save them from certain death, but with a hidden strength. Dejah Thoris ticks all these boxes, she is like a fantastic chicken korma, but you know, much much sexier, and Mars royalty, so not much like a korma at all. I think I need to go back to the extended metaphorical drawing board… Dejah Thoris is like a really sexy, princess, who lives on Mars, and as luck would have it, that is exactly what she is. Smart, sexy and just bloody lovely and loveable, Dejah is my kind of Martian. She has a barbarian aesthetic, with Sci-Fi leanings, and is a clear influence on our next, and rather obvious entrant. For me though, Dejah has her protégée beat, hands down.
Yes, yes I know, obvious right? Well yes it is, but I would like a little time to explain. I have never really found Princess Liea that sexy. I wouldn’t say she was that beautiful, she is a pain in the arse most of the time, and I’m sure Han Solo could do much much better, at least in the looks department. Where she does score points though, is in the spunky (hey now), kick arse kind of way. She is a woman in charge, and she kicks arse and takes names, and I happen to like that. Of course all the bullshit in the world can be said about why she would appear in this list, but at the end of the day, we all know why she is here, that slave outfit. Quite simply, the outfit she wears in Jabba’s Palace could be included in this list on its own, it is that sexy. You may notice I haven’t featured a picture of Carrie Fisher (sorry Ms. Fisher) but just look at the picture I did post up, are you telling me one slave Liea is better than many? Then you Sir/Madam, are a damn liar. Princess Liea gets picked for the fact she gave the world THAT slave outfit. Thank you George Lucas, all is forgiven.
An Amazonian Princess, and certainly the one woman on this list you would not want to get on the wrong side of, Wonder Woman is both cool and sexy, and could give most superheroes a good kicking. Once again, Diana wears a quite simply staggering outfit, and once again, we dip into my deprived psyche and uncover a little kink that should perhaps remain hidden. Wonder Woman is not the typical damsel in distress princess that I would normally go for, but variety is the spice of life so they say, and a 6 ft. dark haired warrior woman, is nothing to shake a stick (I said stick) at. Wonder Woman gets the nod then, and the fact she is well into bondage can only be seen as a massive plus!
Oh Jane Seymour, an English Rose, a medicine woman, a sex crazed mother of a wedding crasher’s crush. Oh Jane, one of the most beautiful women to ever live, Bond Girl, milf, and Arabian Princess? Why not? I think I became obsessed by Jane Seymour at a very early age, around the age of 4. My love of Ray Harryhausen movies made me re-watch Jason and Clash and the Sindbad movies, over and over again. Obviously the draw of these movies were the monsters, the monsters and the adventure, but if one thing could distract me from the Cyclops’, Dragons and Griffons, it was the beautiful damsel in distress that the heroes had to save, and surely none more beautiful than Princess Fara, played by Jane Seymour. Just look at her, like a work of art come to life, and oh boy, did those Arabian Princess’s know how to dress sexy. At the age of 4, I probably didn’t know why Ms. Seymour was attractive, I just knew I wanted to look at her, yes folks, I was a pervert even back then, but I feel no shame about this. If you don’t want to look at Jane Seymour, you my friend are wrong, not I. Time for some Sindbad I feel…
Let me make this clear, I am very much talking about the Emilia Clarke version of Daenerys from the Game of Thrones TV show, as the one in the book starts off at like 14 years old. So, TV Daenerys… what can be said, easily one of the most beautiful women on TV, Daenerys Stormborn knocked me out the first time I saw her. The fact she doesn’t wear many clothes (when she wears clothes at all) was in no way a factor in this, honest. All about the eyes… hmm anyway. Initially a bullied weak character, Daenerys soon learns what it is to be a Khaleesi, and lead her own Khalasaar. Oh and did I mention she is also know as The Mother of Dragons? Hmm I wonder why? Daenerys is perhaps my personal favourite sexy royal woman in this list, but I’m a sucker for a blonde petite woman, not wearing leather and hand rearing 3 flying lizards, but that’s just me.
Countess Elisabeth Bathory
I guess that some would think a Countess is far less important than a Princess, but then you haven’t seen Countess Elisabeth Bathory, the Bloody Countess. The version of this very real historical figure that I would personally choose to fancy most is Hammer Horror legend, Ingrid Pitt, one of the all time great film beauties. In real life, Bathory was said to be related to the great inspiration for Dracula himself, Vlad Tepesh, also known as the Impaler, and it seems that gruesomeness may run in the family. Bathory was said to be obsessed with youth and beauty, and would abduct virgin village girls and servants, drain them of their blood, and bathe in it, in order to keep her young and desirable. In the film Countess Dracula, this certainly seems to work, as I can think of few women more desirable then Ingrid Pitt. So yes, she was rumoured to have killed around 500 virgin girls, and took a lot of baths, but it was probably all here say and lies, and anyway, when you look like Ingrid Pitt, as I’m sure she did in real life, then you are allowed 1 or 500 indiscretions.
So there we have it, 6 amazingly sexy examples of geeky royalty, now, all I have to do is count the views,hahahahahahahahah hahahahaha…